Christmas Dinner Table

christmas dinner table

He looked at her across the table. She smiled. She lifted her wine glass in a playful toast as he did the same. She laughed with that lilting laughter, one of the things that enamored her to him. Then she mouthed the words, “I love you.”

He looked down at his empty plate as tears threatened to well up in his eyes.  He looked back up. 

She was no longer there as she passed on many years ago.

All he had were memories as he sat alone at the Christmas dinner table.

The Abyss

abyss

I walk in darkness now
cloaked by memories
of past mistakes and sins,
unshakeable cold from the thought
of having hurt you
prodding me, pushing me
to the edge of the abyss

I trip on stones and crevices
hurting my feet
yet I complain not
the pain is due me
even lacking more cuts and bruises
the journey is arduous
I welcome the abyss

I’m unforgiven
this much is true
I can’t reach out
to touch you, to hug you
to make again tiny voices
that made you laugh with glee
I sense instead the abyss

how soon you’ve forgotten
the lullabyes and silly songs
the hamburger trips
with french fries and coke
the loss of a woman
we knew as Menmen
I’m close to the abyss

I deserve the loneliness
to be avoided at all cost
the kindness I’ve shown
erased by a single fault
leave me in the darkness
I walk alone
I am the abyss

Life Alone

life alone

I live life alone. I’m also an introvert. But this doesn’t mean I’m not sociable. I meet friends now and then, but these are close friends, and I usually meet with them 2 or 3 at a time.

There are a few benefits to living alone.

1. I cook my own food or, most of the time, I prepare salads as my meals. This means I’m able to prepare the right amount of food just for my consumption. I’m also able to prepare the food that’s right for my palate. Thus, no wastage.

2. I can do what I want —read a book, surf the Internet, take a nap, take a walk, work on my laptop— anytime I want, without asking anyone’s permission or being a burden to anyone.

3. I can use my money any way I choose. I can save it, spend it, or even give it away without worrying if anyone is going to starve without it.

4. I can live a simple life. I don’t need to live lavishly. I don’t need to impress anyone. I can experience simple joys (like brewed coffee when I want it).

The only disadvantage of life alone is the loneliness. It comes and goes. When it comes I dwell on it for a while and then dismiss by taking a nap or keeping myself busy.

You’ll probably ask, “why not get a girlfriend?” It’s not that easy. You see, I’m also a person with a disability (PWD). I contracted polio at a very young age. So I now wear a long-leg brace on my right leg, which gives me a pronounced limp. Although I can say I have a heart of gold, that isn’t readily seen by the opposite sex.

I did get married some years ago, but my wife passed away after 20 years of a happy marriage. She saw my heart of gold.

So, I’m not hunting for a new relationship. If it comes, great! If it doesn’t, it won’t keep me from living.

Life is good whether one is alone or not. It’s really how one lives it.

Life alone is perhaps not my choice. But my choice is living it to the fullest way possible.

The coffee’s brewing…